she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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