I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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