Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
