note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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