Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
