Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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