i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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