...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
