i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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