bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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