I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My underwear smells like fireworks.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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