He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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