there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
