You work out of a Hotel?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
