I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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