where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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