dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
