So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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