Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
