so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
