he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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