it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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