Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
