when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
