Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
