Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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