and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
