If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
someone owes me an orgasm
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
