Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
