it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
