He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
