Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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