I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
