I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are we still banned from the library?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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