Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
