I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
