I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
