If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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