Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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