just come out here and I will go home with you...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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