I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
