Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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