"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
