I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
