dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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