got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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