no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
