You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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