Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
