hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
