The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
