Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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