"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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