Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
