she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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