I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
