btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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