A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
