he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
