All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
