I need help removing her.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
