I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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