you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
