Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
