He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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