last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
