I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
