We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am available for nakedness
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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