Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
