Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
