OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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