I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize