I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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