just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
