***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he thought i was a dude.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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